Your evolving story of faith is so intriguing to me. I do believe we are to mature, question and dig deeper into what God is, and means to us, rather than blindly following what we are told - often as children.
The term "Christian" has been getting a bad rap, not because of what it means, but because it has been tarnished by human actions. One cannot teach love, grace and mercy from the pulpit and not show it to others without facing backlash due to the hypocrisy. We must do better and I commend you for seeing that and taking steps in your own life to rectify that. I have been guilty in the past of having a "my way or the highway " mentality and alienating people from myself and God. I have grown much more compassionate with age and wisdom.
I applaud your honesty and vulnerability and look forward to seeing your journey, both on Survivor and personally, unfold.
I really liked you called yourself a Christ-follower versus Christian. That is one thing I have struggled with is because while I decided my relationship would be with God not necessarily religion I did not know what to call that. I really loved that explanation and it makes sense. Right now I’m still finding my way but I feel a lot closer to God once I stopped letting others in the church define my relationship with Him. You know, I never even knew it was okay to ask God why until I started reading your posts? I am 41 and will be 42 in July and I never questioned or asked Him because I thought God doesn’t make mistakes. I’m not saying He does but I realize that I had a very stiff relationship with Him. It was one where I tried so hard to just say the right things so He wouldn’t be mad at me but that’s not living in His grace.
I don’t know what or who gave me that idea, maybe no one or it was an assumption I made as a child but I am realizing that my relationship with Him is bringing all of me-the good/bad/ugly and no stepping on eggshells. He wants all of me and He already knows me so no use in hiding it. I didn’t question a lot in my childhood. I just accepted things as is, when I asked questions about my father I was met with tension it was like this big hush secret no one wanted to talk about. So I just thought okay I’ll move on and I guess I had been stuck in that mode until recently. I said last week how I feel God led me here by watching your show-maybe He did or maybe it was all one big coincidence but whatever it was I’m still grateful. I appreciate the realness of these posts. As I’ve shared I have bipolar disorder and here lately I’ve been in a bad depression cycle but I am learning to even embrace that versus just telling myself “Oh it will pass.” I feel like God is telling me he wants me to see and experience things not just say over and over it’s okay. I am grieving things and that’s how I can heal and let them go. Great read today. I am learning so much.
Thanks for sharing a bit about your spiritual experience. I had to think a bit more about your comment not calling yourself a Christian but rather a Christ follower. I always thought a Christ follower is the definition of a Christian. At least that’s what I tell people. I didn’t grow up in the church but became a Christian in college. I understand today Christianity has become a bad word in the news, etc. I ignore that and try to live as Christ. I don’t want to not believe in Gods Word because people are misbehaving. I wonder if that’s how you see it? Follow Christ and His love and not man and their politics and judgements.
I agree with all those who commented on being a Christ- follower vs being a Christian. As I have gotten older and hopefully, matured in my faith, I am realizing more and more that we can’t save people and generally speaking, trying to push that on people who don’t want to hear it, is counterproductive. I have prayed with people when they are hurting- without knowing their faith background and with their permission and then leave the rest to God. We may plant seeds we never know.
I'm really enjoying your Survivor story. I watched that season ( and all the others as well 😆). I have ALWAYS had a hard time with how the participants would lie and back-stab. I almost stopped viewing it..
But on a sidebar...how is your walk with the Lord now? After reading this last post of yours it peeks my curiosity. I know it's none of my business but it seems like you're ok with the hard questions.
Your prayer reflected the kind of inward compassion that is never wasted. Giving your friend something rather than nothing in the middle of her pain was like giving her bread rather than a stone (Matthew 7). And, like you said, who knows how it may have helped her?
I so relate to when you said “it actually felt like a relief”. I remember how, when I was younger and would see “coexist” bumper stickers, I didn’t understand how anyone could just “let it go” (re: the push to evangelize) if it meant that others might experience eternal pain. I didn’t want anyone to hurt. What I didn’t realize then was that many of those drivers with the stickers believed in a more all-loving and all-forgiving God than I did. In the coming years, I began to ask questions like: If God really is love, how do I know that such an assessment and apparent fearlessness in faith is false? If each person in the world attempts to reach out to God in his or her own way with whatever inklings or resources they have available to them, can it be wrong? Did I think God wouldn’t meet them? And my answer to that was no. Part of the relief I felt was in going on in wider, higher, longer, and deeper love without the fear that someone might be lost if I couldn’t get to them. I had always felt irrevocably compelled by the kind of love found in the triune stories of the lost coin, the lost sheep, and the lost son, where the woman and the shepherd never stop looking until the coin and the sheep are found, and the father never stops loving or waiting for the child. How could I feel so drawn to be that person, growing toward unconditional love, if I didn’t also believe God already was? It wasn’t all on me. In fact, so very little was. I wasn’t an employee being supervised by a higher power who expected me to have all the answers or rely on certainties. I was the coin, the sheep, and the child, insomuch as any of us are. That I began to believe God was far more loving than I had ever been taught — toward others and toward me — was the greatest relief.
just “binge read” all of your sunday post after hearing you on a podcast recently. loved them all.
as someone who walked away from organized religion but not faith totally understood the POV of not wanting to call yourself a Christian but still follow Christ. thanks for sharing
This: “As a matter of fact, it felt like Christianity was getting further away from the teachings of Jesus and grace and more about obedience to the teachings of the church and fear of judgment.”
It is the very thing that ignited our departure from western evangelicalism. And it has not been an easy journey, but what a gift to embrace His grace and love. We’ve lost connections and relationships we thought were authentic. Thank you for continuing to share your journey!
Lisa, this was such a wonderful story. I am glad you won the opportunity to ride in the helicopter and see the whale sharks. That must have been awesome. I will be praying for Denise, both physically and spiritually. She needed to hear the good news. So glad she was willing to hear. May you have a wonderful Sunday. Blessings and keep smiling from Bolivar Missouri. 🙏🙏🙏💐💐💐🙏🙏🙏
Even as someone who is essentially irreligious at this point in my life, I want to say that I appreciate what you did for Denise. Compassion is universal and the sign of a good, true human being. You have your doubts (and who doesn't?) but in that moment, you found something inside you that spoke to Denise and her pain. You spoke words that came from somewhere and started her on a path of healing. Divine intervention, answered prayer, manifestation, God's will, biological agents releasing white blood cells, sympathetic vibrations...SOMETHING answered. And the most important part of that is you.
We all need direction, either through our own self-guidance, or others that point us to our desired destination. You were following what you believed to be the best direction; you offered a gift that you could give easily and freely. You prayed.
I was glad to see that you prayed for Denise, despite your own misgivings. I think it would be hard to stand by and do nothing, and you reached over to help. And I'm glad she allowed you to. I read about a study that showed that people recover faster at a statistically significant rate when someone is praying for them, even if they are unaware that it is happening.
As someone who walked away from my faith myself and then found my way back again, I am very interested to see which direction your journey is going. I see below another reader asked about it and you said to "stay tuned", and I certainly will.
For your exit question, "Has there ever been a moment when you stopped playing/living not to hurt people, and started playing/living for yourself?" I'm not sure I can think of a time when I faced this kind of decision. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where my success depended on beating out other people directly. I've done competitive things before, like the Foreign Service exam or trying to get on Jeopardy, but that was on an institutional scale - me competing against everyone else in the world trying to do the same thing, not me competing directly against a handful of people right in front of me.
Lisa, first let me say Thank You for sharing your faith here, along with your story of being on the show. There's so much I want to say here...you started out writing about your time on the show and it seems you've struck a chord with so many fellow Christ-followers who are enjoying going deeper in this space. I think you could honestly transition right into having a blog about those who have gained a new perspective in their faith journey. I know I'm enjoying reading all the comments and relating to so many.
Just this weekend my husband and I were talking about how the church has turned our salvation into the law, once again, which means we will never feel satisfied in our faith. Personally, I'm sick of going to church (and dared to say it outloud!). I'm sick of going through the motions and performing for the sake of other's expectations. I love the Lord and have amazingly sweet moments with him when I'm alone, at home, or taking a drive or reading my Bible. On the other hand, when I sit in church, I feel distracted and on display. So, for the sake of keeping this kind of short...thanks for opening up a place for some discussion.
P.S. I've met you a few times back in the early 2000's. You once came to a church to speak when your family was doing the year long trip in the RV. Also when I attended a mom's conference you did at the Houston Galleria. It was a lot of fun :) I'm so glad to connect with you again.
It was from December of last year until around mid February where I was going through some deep personal transformation. It was then that I decided to focus on ME. That I needed to love myself deeper and begin my healing. My faith increased and I've learned just how resilient I am. God was refining me for sure. Although I have a strong conversion and testimony to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I am also open to learning and accepting other people's beliefs. I have learned that God gives us other resources to help us along this journey we call life. I have learned that being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. If we neglect ourselves, then how are we to be there for others. Anyway I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing your heart. Love and Blessings 💛✨️
Yes, I have stopped living not to hurt people, and started living for myself very recently. That’s not to say I run roughshod over others or discount their feelings, but I’ve begun to weigh and seek out my own needs as well. I realized that my care of multiple family members was taking a huge toll on my health, ability to function effectively, and my other relationships.
I’ve slowly started making decisions that have lightened my responsibilities with family members and feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. ❤️
I liked the fact that despite Denise being an atheist she still allowed you to pray for her
Denise and I still have a wonderful friendship.
That is so awesome to have a strong friendship after all those years
Your evolving story of faith is so intriguing to me. I do believe we are to mature, question and dig deeper into what God is, and means to us, rather than blindly following what we are told - often as children.
The term "Christian" has been getting a bad rap, not because of what it means, but because it has been tarnished by human actions. One cannot teach love, grace and mercy from the pulpit and not show it to others without facing backlash due to the hypocrisy. We must do better and I commend you for seeing that and taking steps in your own life to rectify that. I have been guilty in the past of having a "my way or the highway " mentality and alienating people from myself and God. I have grown much more compassionate with age and wisdom.
I applaud your honesty and vulnerability and look forward to seeing your journey, both on Survivor and personally, unfold.
Thank you. I have been guilty of the same thing. Thankfully, learning to have more compassion can extend to ourselves, too.
I really liked you called yourself a Christ-follower versus Christian. That is one thing I have struggled with is because while I decided my relationship would be with God not necessarily religion I did not know what to call that. I really loved that explanation and it makes sense. Right now I’m still finding my way but I feel a lot closer to God once I stopped letting others in the church define my relationship with Him. You know, I never even knew it was okay to ask God why until I started reading your posts? I am 41 and will be 42 in July and I never questioned or asked Him because I thought God doesn’t make mistakes. I’m not saying He does but I realize that I had a very stiff relationship with Him. It was one where I tried so hard to just say the right things so He wouldn’t be mad at me but that’s not living in His grace.
I don’t know what or who gave me that idea, maybe no one or it was an assumption I made as a child but I am realizing that my relationship with Him is bringing all of me-the good/bad/ugly and no stepping on eggshells. He wants all of me and He already knows me so no use in hiding it. I didn’t question a lot in my childhood. I just accepted things as is, when I asked questions about my father I was met with tension it was like this big hush secret no one wanted to talk about. So I just thought okay I’ll move on and I guess I had been stuck in that mode until recently. I said last week how I feel God led me here by watching your show-maybe He did or maybe it was all one big coincidence but whatever it was I’m still grateful. I appreciate the realness of these posts. As I’ve shared I have bipolar disorder and here lately I’ve been in a bad depression cycle but I am learning to even embrace that versus just telling myself “Oh it will pass.” I feel like God is telling me he wants me to see and experience things not just say over and over it’s okay. I am grieving things and that’s how I can heal and let them go. Great read today. I am learning so much.
So sorry to hear you are going through a bad depression cycle. You are brave to sit in it and grieve. Sending prayers for your gentle holding.
Thanks for sharing a bit about your spiritual experience. I had to think a bit more about your comment not calling yourself a Christian but rather a Christ follower. I always thought a Christ follower is the definition of a Christian. At least that’s what I tell people. I didn’t grow up in the church but became a Christian in college. I understand today Christianity has become a bad word in the news, etc. I ignore that and try to live as Christ. I don’t want to not believe in Gods Word because people are misbehaving. I wonder if that’s how you see it? Follow Christ and His love and not man and their politics and judgements.
Christ-follower just seems to be a more true of what I believe. I don't believe some of the things it appears many Christians believe.
Understood. Christ-follower is more clear to me.
I agree with all those who commented on being a Christ- follower vs being a Christian. As I have gotten older and hopefully, matured in my faith, I am realizing more and more that we can’t save people and generally speaking, trying to push that on people who don’t want to hear it, is counterproductive. I have prayed with people when they are hurting- without knowing their faith background and with their permission and then leave the rest to God. We may plant seeds we never know.
Lisa,
I'm really enjoying your Survivor story. I watched that season ( and all the others as well 😆). I have ALWAYS had a hard time with how the participants would lie and back-stab. I almost stopped viewing it..
But on a sidebar...how is your walk with the Lord now? After reading this last post of yours it peeks my curiosity. I know it's none of my business but it seems like you're ok with the hard questions.
Sincerely,
Darlene
If you're interested, stay tuned as it unfolds.
Your prayer reflected the kind of inward compassion that is never wasted. Giving your friend something rather than nothing in the middle of her pain was like giving her bread rather than a stone (Matthew 7). And, like you said, who knows how it may have helped her?
I so relate to when you said “it actually felt like a relief”. I remember how, when I was younger and would see “coexist” bumper stickers, I didn’t understand how anyone could just “let it go” (re: the push to evangelize) if it meant that others might experience eternal pain. I didn’t want anyone to hurt. What I didn’t realize then was that many of those drivers with the stickers believed in a more all-loving and all-forgiving God than I did. In the coming years, I began to ask questions like: If God really is love, how do I know that such an assessment and apparent fearlessness in faith is false? If each person in the world attempts to reach out to God in his or her own way with whatever inklings or resources they have available to them, can it be wrong? Did I think God wouldn’t meet them? And my answer to that was no. Part of the relief I felt was in going on in wider, higher, longer, and deeper love without the fear that someone might be lost if I couldn’t get to them. I had always felt irrevocably compelled by the kind of love found in the triune stories of the lost coin, the lost sheep, and the lost son, where the woman and the shepherd never stop looking until the coin and the sheep are found, and the father never stops loving or waiting for the child. How could I feel so drawn to be that person, growing toward unconditional love, if I didn’t also believe God already was? It wasn’t all on me. In fact, so very little was. I wasn’t an employee being supervised by a higher power who expected me to have all the answers or rely on certainties. I was the coin, the sheep, and the child, insomuch as any of us are. That I began to believe God was far more loving than I had ever been taught — toward others and toward me — was the greatest relief.
Beautiful 😍
just “binge read” all of your sunday post after hearing you on a podcast recently. loved them all.
as someone who walked away from organized religion but not faith totally understood the POV of not wanting to call yourself a Christian but still follow Christ. thanks for sharing
Welcome! I'm glad you're here.
This: “As a matter of fact, it felt like Christianity was getting further away from the teachings of Jesus and grace and more about obedience to the teachings of the church and fear of judgment.”
It is the very thing that ignited our departure from western evangelicalism. And it has not been an easy journey, but what a gift to embrace His grace and love. We’ve lost connections and relationships we thought were authentic. Thank you for continuing to share your journey!
Losing connections and relationships is its own kind of grief on this journey.
Lisa, this was such a wonderful story. I am glad you won the opportunity to ride in the helicopter and see the whale sharks. That must have been awesome. I will be praying for Denise, both physically and spiritually. She needed to hear the good news. So glad she was willing to hear. May you have a wonderful Sunday. Blessings and keep smiling from Bolivar Missouri. 🙏🙏🙏💐💐💐🙏🙏🙏
Even as someone who is essentially irreligious at this point in my life, I want to say that I appreciate what you did for Denise. Compassion is universal and the sign of a good, true human being. You have your doubts (and who doesn't?) but in that moment, you found something inside you that spoke to Denise and her pain. You spoke words that came from somewhere and started her on a path of healing. Divine intervention, answered prayer, manifestation, God's will, biological agents releasing white blood cells, sympathetic vibrations...SOMETHING answered. And the most important part of that is you.
We all need direction, either through our own self-guidance, or others that point us to our desired destination. You were following what you believed to be the best direction; you offered a gift that you could give easily and freely. You prayed.
Thank you.
Thanks, Grey. This was lovely feedback
I was glad to see that you prayed for Denise, despite your own misgivings. I think it would be hard to stand by and do nothing, and you reached over to help. And I'm glad she allowed you to. I read about a study that showed that people recover faster at a statistically significant rate when someone is praying for them, even if they are unaware that it is happening.
As someone who walked away from my faith myself and then found my way back again, I am very interested to see which direction your journey is going. I see below another reader asked about it and you said to "stay tuned", and I certainly will.
For your exit question, "Has there ever been a moment when you stopped playing/living not to hurt people, and started playing/living for yourself?" I'm not sure I can think of a time when I faced this kind of decision. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where my success depended on beating out other people directly. I've done competitive things before, like the Foreign Service exam or trying to get on Jeopardy, but that was on an institutional scale - me competing against everyone else in the world trying to do the same thing, not me competing directly against a handful of people right in front of me.
Lisa, first let me say Thank You for sharing your faith here, along with your story of being on the show. There's so much I want to say here...you started out writing about your time on the show and it seems you've struck a chord with so many fellow Christ-followers who are enjoying going deeper in this space. I think you could honestly transition right into having a blog about those who have gained a new perspective in their faith journey. I know I'm enjoying reading all the comments and relating to so many.
Just this weekend my husband and I were talking about how the church has turned our salvation into the law, once again, which means we will never feel satisfied in our faith. Personally, I'm sick of going to church (and dared to say it outloud!). I'm sick of going through the motions and performing for the sake of other's expectations. I love the Lord and have amazingly sweet moments with him when I'm alone, at home, or taking a drive or reading my Bible. On the other hand, when I sit in church, I feel distracted and on display. So, for the sake of keeping this kind of short...thanks for opening up a place for some discussion.
P.S. I've met you a few times back in the early 2000's. You once came to a church to speak when your family was doing the year long trip in the RV. Also when I attended a mom's conference you did at the Houston Galleria. It was a lot of fun :) I'm so glad to connect with you again.
Thank you, Debbie. This means a lot. Especially from someone who has been following my journey for sooooo long! 😍
It was from December of last year until around mid February where I was going through some deep personal transformation. It was then that I decided to focus on ME. That I needed to love myself deeper and begin my healing. My faith increased and I've learned just how resilient I am. God was refining me for sure. Although I have a strong conversion and testimony to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I am also open to learning and accepting other people's beliefs. I have learned that God gives us other resources to help us along this journey we call life. I have learned that being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. If we neglect ourselves, then how are we to be there for others. Anyway I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing your heart. Love and Blessings 💛✨️
I'm happy to hear that you are learning to focus on yourself and give yourself the love that you need. That is huge.
Yes. Thank you.
I read your message this morning
You re a Real fighter you know?
I congratulate you on having been the leader of the group
Yes, I have stopped living not to hurt people, and started living for myself very recently. That’s not to say I run roughshod over others or discount their feelings, but I’ve begun to weigh and seek out my own needs as well. I realized that my care of multiple family members was taking a huge toll on my health, ability to function effectively, and my other relationships.
I’ve slowly started making decisions that have lightened my responsibilities with family members and feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. ❤️
That is huge! Well done.
One day at a time!